How to control anger and frustration in a relationship

Relationship is the way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave towards each other. Relationships regularly have their ups and downs so we come to see many kinds of emotions during this. Anger is an emotion that we all experience, and it signifies that something has to be done. Anger makes you aware that there is a problem. How you deal with your anger can become a big part of the problem. For some couples, anger can make it nearly impossible to figure out what the problem is and how to fix it.

The majority of anger and frustration we experience in life occurs when we encounter someone who is not playing by our rules. We tend to believe that our rules are right and that the other person should do it our way. At the basis of all conflict is the idea that one person believes another person should change. Stating that your rules are right, forces someone else’s rules to be wrong. Personal rule books however, aren’t right or wrong, they simply reflect the unique perspective and preferences of every individual.  Many people find this a challenging notion to accept, but we live in a world of great diversity and there are no universal concepts that apply to every religion, race, or culture.

Here are some tips to deal with your anger and frustration-

Keep calm - Anger fuels anger, so the calmer you can remain, try to be calm.

Show that you’re listening - People often continue to be angry because they don’t think they’re being listened to or taken seriously. Use active listening techniques to be sure that your partner feels heard.

Know the cause - What are your angry thoughts? Try to follow your thoughts to get a full picture. It may help to write down what, exactly, happened that led to you feeling angry.

Think before speaking - While it may feel easy and gratifying to let your anger out, think before saying your words. Collect your thoughts before speaking in order to prevent yourself from saying something you may regret or that may hurt your partner.

Count to ten before speaking. This will help you choose your words more carefully and not say something you will regret.

Engage in daily empathy actions - Empathy is not necessarily the default feeling and needs some retraining to become par for the course. Routine empathy can be actualized by checking in with our partners about how they are feeling, looking them in the eye, and regularly giving the benefit of the doubt. Once empathy becomes intrinsic behavior, resentment often becomes a thing of the past.

Try to find solution - If the anger is your own, then it follows that you are in control. Accept that you are in control. Your next step is to think about what your anger is about. Again, try to focus on yourself, not your partner’s wrongdoing. I’m not saying that your partner is right. I am saying that you need to focus on yourself so you can express yourself to your partner, allowing you to work together to find solutions.

Use deep breathing - Focusing on your breath can help calm both your body and your mind. Using deep breathing can separate you from the situation and your feelings of immediate anger and help you focus inward.

Practice deep breathing when you are in a naturally calm state. Then, try it when you are angry or upset, and notice how it helps you achieve calm.

Keep the relationship the priority - Above being “right,” it’s important to be respectful. If “winning” is your priority, think about how this is hurting the relationship, and if you want to continue prioritizing this mindset.

Drink cold water - Slowly drinking several glasses of cool water (not icy cold) is a sure way to get rid of Anger.

Connect physically - For one, hug, and do have sex. In fact, some marriage counselors suggest that if the marriage is on a downswing, have sex at least once a day. The scheduled connection might put things in a different light and aid in resolving resentment.

Love relationship is not always convenient, proper or elegant. Sometimes love is sweaty and salty, ordinary and boring; sometimes it is bitter and toxic. It can be mind-blowing and yet, the source of all disquietude. Sometimes it is a mystery, an anagram. Sometimes, love can only communicate in Morse while you are too busy daydreaming with headphones on.

In an ideal world, partners will take turns being upset. In the real world, we often get upset at the same time. This is where repair work becomes important. Practice apologizing, stay calm, and remind yourself why you are in the relationship and that you are in control of how you express your emotions.