how to have a strong marriage

Marriage is like a house. It requires a strong and lasting foundation. While love is the foundation of any happy, romantic relationship, love is not enough. In order to have a healthy marriage, both parties have to be willing to work on it.

One of the biggest obstacles to a happy, strong marriage is a lack of understanding of yourself and your spouse. In order to dismantle that hurdle, it’s key that you both develop a deeper level of understanding of each other. This will deepen your relationship bond and allow your marriage to flourish. Even if you have a very strong marriage and commitment to each other, there are still things you can do to make your relationship stronger and your commitment better.

Marriage is a process. The individuals in a relationship, as well as the marital relationship itself, go through stages and have the potential for continuous growth. This growth requires trust, commitment, skills, caring, reciprocity, and effort. Strong, healthy marriages do not just happen by chance. Rather, the spouses in such marriages have chosen to make the effort to make them strong, healthy, and satisfying.

Respect each other

Never try to underestimate your partner. Give respect to earn respect. That increases your value in your partner’s eyes.

Stop expecting

When we give because we expect in return, we set ourselves up for disappointment. For love to endure, we need to invest in our relationship. This means we give and don’t measure how much we have gotten back. Our question must be: What can I do today to make my marriage better? We are all capable of giving. When we express appreciation, give a compliment, an encouraging hug, a thoughtful gesture, we are showing our spouse that we are committed and care. Concentrating on what our partner does for us becomes a selfish way of giving. Give because you want to create a home filled with love.

Express gratitude

You thank others for little courtesies, but do you thank your partner? To avoid taking each other for granted, try to show your appreciation at least once a day. Say it like you mean it—even if it's in response to something that's his or her "job" (like washing the dishes). If there's something you appreciate, large or small, speak up!

Take a walk together

Physically heading to one place makes you more likely to be mentally in sync; it's like you're standing together instead of confronting each other.

Sit next to each other at restaurant tables

Try grabbing a booth or putting separate chairs at a table side by side. Instead of playing footsie under the table, your man can slide an arm around you or touch your knee, while you can whisper in his ear. "It's a friendlier and much more intimate position.

Drop your old issues

We all have scars and damage from our dating days and from our families, but don’t use an old fight as a weapon in a new one. It’s unfair to throw unresolved issues at one another — drop those sensitivities by avoiding hot button issues that you’ve already discussed (and hopefully resolved).

Cook together

Make it an occasional treat to prep a new meal together. The sensory experience of cooking and co-creating a fabulous, romantic dish or snack is way better than popping some toaster tarts in the oven.

Express feelings in a mature way

There’s a difference between whining and being constructive. Constant complaining feels as if you are living with a two-year-old who falls into tantrums. Talk about what you want using a positive approach.

Stop being passive aggressive

Resentment builds when we say we are fine, and ‘whatever’ but inside we are feeling spiteful. You may think you are being nice and giving in but your eyes and body language speak volumes. If you are upset, communicate your emotions respectfully instead of bottling up your hard feelings. Don’t keep saying “Do what you want” and then freeze on your spouse with an icy silence. You do not want to become a better partner.

With sex, aim for quantity over quality

When spouses don't get busy regularly, they can lose physical connection. Whether it's a quickie in the shower or making out like teenagers before bed, "10 focused minutes can build more intimate moments than many couples have experienced in years, "this can turn into longer lovemaking sessions."

Hug for 2 minutes and kiss for 30 seconds each day

"Often, kisses and hugs become mechanical and quick, a chemical our bodies release when we touch one another, emotionally connects people. No need to set a timer, but do extend your hugs and kisses longer than you normally would; you'll feel a new sense of connection.